I am very afraid of heights and have been since I was in my twenties. The other night, I started to "fear sweat", while sitting on my couch, watching a rock climber climb in a documentary on TV. He was free solo climbing a 3000-foot wall of rock called El Capitan in Yosemite; and I didn’t know if he was going to live or die.
Prior to watching this documentary, I had booked a tower climbing experience at the Footsloggers Climbing Tower for the upcoming weekend. This 40-foot outdoor tower is located in Boone, NC, I am working on ideas for my next retreat and I also wanted to face my fear of heights. This September, I went white water river rafting and flat lake kayaking, for the first time, during my Radical Wellness Retreat for Women. Both water experiences were empowering and fun for all of the women in the group, including my 83 year old mother. It felt invigorating to try something new and the river rafting was exciting and also a bit scary.
My goal was to climb and reach the top of the tower and gain a sense of accomplishment facing a huge phobia. My 18-year-old daughter agreed to go with me and try it out. Even better…a mother-daughter trip.
Long story short, I didn’t make it up to the top but she did. You get three climbs on the tower and you are in a harness attached to the rope the staff member on the ground is holding. I went first and got a few feet up and decided I wanted to learn how to rappel down before I got up to the top. It was looking impossibly far away and downright terrifying. The climbing guide told me what to do and I rappelled down. You have to trust the guide and let go of the wall, sit down into the harness, lean back, straighten your legs and take steps backwards down the wall. I went to start climbing again but I had already pulled a muscle in my right knee and it was hurting to support my weight. My mind was all for trying to face this fear and climb to the top, but the pain in my knee said “No Ma’am”.
My daughter took her turn and successfully climbed to the top and rappelled down on three different sections of the tower. I was very proud of her and very disappointed in myself. She made it look so easy. It reminded me of her first day of kindergarten. She wanted me to drive up and drop her off at the door and not park and walk her into school. So, I did, even though I wanted to walk her to class. I pulled up and she got out of the car and walked right into the school….by herself.
I was proud that my five-year-old had the confidence to proudly march into school by herself-but a part of me wanted to be needed and walk her to class and make sure she was okay before leaving.
After making it through the drop off line and dropping her at the door, I went to work and cried. That is something that sometimes happens to mothers when their child starts kindergarten. They feel sad and happy at the same time. I cried vigorously at the chiropractor’s office the Saturday prior to her first day. The chiropractor said it is normal and his wife also cried when each one of their three boys started kindergarten. It is a pretty big milestone to start school and it symbolizes your child is growing up and gaining independence and doesn’t need you as much as they used to.
Luckily, one of my work colleagues had a daughter starting kindergarten in the same class that day. She walked her daughter to the class room and saw my daughter and reported back that my daughter was doing fine, which was a huge relief.
I was thrilled my daughter conquered the climbing tower and am really proud of her courage and independence. As for my disappointment in my climbing performance, we don’t always get to predict how an experience will turn out. Sometimes things you don’t expect or predict happen and you have to manage your expectations and/or disappointments. It was a nice thought and visualization that I could successfully climb a 40-foot rock tower three times on my first time trying this activity at my age. Maybe it wasn’t realistic, but I am proud of myself that I am willing to try new and scary things.
I was empowered watching my daughter climb the wall and I am going to go back and try again when my knee is feeling better. I am not going to give up on facing my fear of heights just because I didn’t succeed on my first try. On my second trip to the tower, I will have the advantage of the knowledge I gained on my first attempt which gives me confidence…and it won’t be quite as scary as it was the first time.
If you are interested in giving the climbing tower a try, here is the website https://www.rockdimensions.com/
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